wait mummy, wait...

17 is the age, where all teens go craze,
when mistakes are forgiveable and commitments were never in place,
but she gave up all that and held no regret nor rage,
with the decision to bring me to life and that i'll be raised,
and through nine months of patients even with the growth of unwanted marks and veins
she gave me a life, her new happiness and faith...

though complication striked and i was saved from grave,
poor lil' girl, went through hell with no family or menage,
only with a man and his family entourage...
that she'll then live with, without any title of mrs from the human amalgamate...

on 1st nov to her, it was something more than great,
to hear me cry though i have no similarity to her flawless face,
but before she could celebrate, she must get back to work and she didnt hesistate,
as i need to be fed and alone she must faced...

over 30 years of effort, love and faith,
she watched her lil girl grow with grace,
even with no money left that she could save,
she is happy that her girl is healthy and well behaved..

i now turned into a woman that is confident and brave,
making some bucks and have a big dream to chase...
a dream to make my mummy's life from good to great,
and i'll only need a little more time to accumulate,
my earnings thats hopefully soon enough to replace,
all the hard times she had with a warm lovely space,
for her and me, and our family sharing everything in one plate...

all i'm asking is not the sky, the sea or the rain,
but just a little more time for me to take out her previous pain,
as i couldnt lift my eyes watching her..  though she gracefully age...
"please lord, let my mummy wait... just a little while, for me to make her feel great..."
"mummy please wait.... i will not be too late..."

from your forever princess... infinite xxoo

LIVE-LIE-LIFE

After six years of our journey, our speeches turned so light,

and our heart are always angry, nothing left but just plain sigh...

even i’ve cried and tried and we’ve hit and screamed, you always walked out with the look of grim,

i know you find me sorrow, but you’re the only one who can make me smile...

and you’ll always be my idol, even though i’m the last in your mind....

now that thorns grew in our sight,

i pretended that its alright with the hope that roses will grow between plight,

but you’ve always want to win, even @ things you did with sin,

no matter how bad you are or mean, i hold on ground of promises and words that soon to cringe...

This morning, i’m still awake while moonlight beam on your bed side,

Nothings there but your pillow and your smear smell from last night

I tried calling and calling with messages hoping that you’re alright

to save my struggle in calming my heart and i wonder.. where’s my loved that once loved me at his first sight...

my tears fell like a child losing its mother and @ time like woman losing her mind,

but when the sound of unlocking door, it lift me a smile

though you come home walking to another room leaving me aside..

sweet dreams baby, and have a goodnight... hugs and kisses from your lover that you treated like parasite..

In the morning all you wanted is a ride, that gives you pleasure and hype

and you’ll pushed me away if i cried over some obvious bite..

how can i not seen this part of you that you now called your LIFE?

what should i do now as i’ve lost my pride when you kick me out with a simple BYE?

Is this the LIFE i have to LIVE with the LIE from you i should RELY?

No instance that i wana live my life with sigh,

or filled it with hatred and cry

over your precious life you cant deny

and over my life that you took from “you’re mine”

my stubbornness tells me you can be nice,

my determinations keep asking me to try,

but i should learn to not to open my eyes,

over trivia things and situation as you’re just a guy,

you mean no harm but curious and loves to fly,

with different passenger and i shouldn’t pry..

many years gone and i don’t know why,

i still have the strength to fight and hike...

over mountains so high and river full of spikes

and still believe there are more i need to sacrifice....

maybe i held on too much your line that says.. “you’re mine...”

but thats all i have till you wana rewind.... and stop leaving me behind...

~like a SINGLE lady~

Happy anniversary...

5 years ahead and 5 years back,

for good and for bad we had each other's back,

nothing in a relationship we'd never had...

for those sweet memories we shall recap,

and for bitter and sad, i wana say "sorry" and take it all back...



our roads so bumpy, but we went through it, "i'm glad..."

could wish nothing more but to stay behind your back,

everyday from sun rise till sunset...



Happy Anniversary...

value?

RM1,800, RM2,380, RM15,000, RM25,000...even RM50,000... these are the values/ prices for ladies handbags... please do not be surprised of the value since its published every now and then in magazines, tv shows and etc. we women constantly asked the same question each time we come across new bags carried by our friends.."oh my how much is that bag?.." and when our friend name the value, we will looked surprised and envy. living in a modern age, we shouldn't question value of each item in the world because its all justified, sometimes we paid for quality, brand (names that being established by reputed personnel), workmanship (handmade by one or many), country that produced it (where cost are determined by cost of living or the standards of living), the ambassador (model that pose, smile and earned tons of monies) for the brand, the location of the boutique (rental) and many other value added services that influenced our judgment in choosing.
But what is the value of the human that have all the rights to choose, spend and to feel proud? What is our value? Do we constantly show off our value as much as we show off our belongings? if i'm carrying
a more expensive handbag, will it justify that i'm a better person? well maybe in terms of status... yeah we might be high up but whats more important? value of the status or the value of humanity? if i carry a more luxury handbags, will my behaviour of screaming @ others justifiable? or will my behaviour of being nasty/ rude and inconsiderately selfish be respectable? we commonly find ourselves lost whilst bridging ourself to the rest of the world... as adaptations consistently manuever our actions... its just common and are all unconciously drifted to it...
"its sometimes easier not to struggle with temptations but once achieved, one will be above everything..."

"dont get me wrong, its never meant in this message of not buying luxury bags or stuff but its just an advice to know our conscience...."

i saw.. i realized... i believed.

it was all empty, nothing being felt, nothing important to be felt...

being nobody to nobody is lifeless, empty... i saw in years in my own eyes, he was there... i didnt pay attention till i realized. he was there.. the meaning life, the reason i breathe, the reason i live and love... i thought he found me but the fact is... he was there.. all this while.. i found him. he showed me disciplines, he showed courage that he gave others, he showed me love he showered others, he showed me pain that can be healed, he showed me tears will dried up...

and all i have to do is to believe. i only have to open up my eyes, heart and soul.

i felt like an alien in the beginning but he opened up everyone's eyes for me. he gave me a place to cry, he gave me a place to complaint, he gave me a chance to be a better person, he gave me reasons for everything i do... and most of all, he gave me a place to say "thank you..."

when things go wrong, its not always bad, its the beginning of a reward that he's about to give....

'may god bless you...'

bedtime story...

Ever remember the bedtime story told by mummy or daddy? the one always started with "once upon a time"... and ends with "happily ever after..."

some how these stories put us to sleep... but did we sleep because we can't wait to dream on it or just hope to waking up to it... i guess i did dream on it and not waking up yet... well @ least i dreamt on it...

reality is too ugly to wake up to... so m i a dreamer or a believer? does it matter? sweet dreams :)